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Low-Budget Staycation

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Low-Budget Staycation: Listening to BBC Radio 2. Bright sun, palm trees, tropical atmosphere. My sister and I sit at a table listening to BBC Radio 2: “Hello, we have Natalie on the line! Where are you calling from Natalie?” “Tattums on Wiffley!” “How wonderful! And what’s it like there?” “Oh, it’s grey and drizzling — my daughter Bronte and our cockapoo Jane Austen and I have just returned from a nice walk and we’re settling in for third breakfast.”
I look out the window to my left as sweat drips down my face. A giant snake, a dragonfly, and an iguana smoking a blunt are staring at me in the tropical setting outside. The iguana smoking a blunt gives me a glare and the middle finger. My sister and I continue to listen to BBC Radio 2 looking despondent. “Lovely! What will you be doing for New Year’s Eve?” “We’ll be going on another walk, then Bronte will do her New Year’s jig, and we’ll have some tea and biscuits.” “That sounds wonderful, Natalie. Do you have a song request?” “Yes, could you play something by Rage Against the Machine? My husband was taken by faeries eight years ago to the day.”

My sister and I listened to Joe Lycett’s New Year’s Eve (Eve Eve Eve Eve) on Radio 2 for some form of escapism.

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